Dear Monica,

Thanks for sleeping on my clothes all the time and making them smell like you, therefore making me smell like you. I haven't gone on a date in almost 2 and a half years and maybe me smelling like you has something to do with it. I understand that you don't want me to date since you want to keep my unconditional love all for yourself. Aren't you a cute litte mischievous puppy! Not really a puppy anymore, but I wish you were booooooo :((((